Why Does My Child Misbehave - Goal #2
Hi, my name is Edith Cuevas, and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor in Buda, Texas. In my work with children, adolescents, and families, I often talk about the different goals of misbehavior. In this post, I want to walk you through the second goal: power struggles.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly going back and forth with your child—arguing, repeating yourself, or trying to “win” a situation—then this may feel very familiar.
How Do You Know It’s a Power Struggle?
One of the first things I ask parents is: How are you feeling when this behavior is happening?
If you feel angry, provoked, challenged, threatened, or defeated, that’s an important clue.
Then notice your response. Are you thinking: “You’re going to do what I say,” or “My rules are the only rules”? If so, you may be in a power struggle with your child.
What’s Happening Inside Your Child
From the outside, it can look like defiance. But inside, your child may be thinking:
“You’re not going to boss me around.”
“I want to be in control.”
“I only matter if I have power.”
Your child is trying to establish control and autonomy. When we respond with more control, the situation often escalates.
Why Power Struggles Escalate
When a parent pushes harder, the child pushes back. You may notice louder voices, stronger reactions, or defiant compliance.
At that point, it’s no longer about the task—it’s about control.
How to Stop the Power Struggle
Don’t enter the fight.
Step back and redirect the situation instead of trying to win.Offer limited choices.
Give options like: “Do you want the red shirt or the blue shirt?”Involve your child.
Invite them to help: “Let’s empty the dishwasher together.”
Shift from Control to Connection
Power struggles often reflect a child’s need to feel independent and capable. When we support those needs, the struggle fades.
Family Therapy Support in Buda, Kyle, and South Austin
If you are experiencing constant power struggles, you are not alone. Emmaus Counseling offers support for families.
📍 Serving Buda, Kyle & South Austin
💻 Virtual therapy available across Texas
🌐 www.emmaus-counseling.net
